Connection
Saturday. A day party. I’m dancing shirtless, enjoying the feeling of the pill I swallowed. Kissed a few boys—nothing too exciting.
Then I saw him. Out of the corner of my eye. Gorgeous beyond belief, intimidatingly so. I knew who he was—I’d been following his Insta for a while. One of the popular ones. Yes, of course, there are the thirst traps, but he also shared thoughtful things, so maybe there’s more to him than just a pretty frame.
I figured I had to take my chances, and did I see him looking in my direction and smiling? Yes. A short, shy smile. But enough to make me push my way through the crowd and dance next to him.
We’re talking, and soon enough, I feel his muscular body on mine. He tells me he’s shy, doesn’t wanna kiss in public. Eventually, though, he relaxes, and his lips touch mine. Like an electric shock shooting through my system. Is this real?
I know I’m popular and fit the gay stereotype—muscular, short hair, tall, handsome face. Like him. And yet, my heart starts beating like crazy when I approach guys I find attractive. I keep my cool, though, and the more we talk, the more I bring him down from the pedestal my mind put him on.
He asks me what my plans are after the party. I tell him I wanna go home with this handsome man right here, and he’s just like, “Correct answer.”
We leave the party early. The ride home is long, and the more we talk, the more I discover a shy, smart, driven man who has his shit together. He drops the shyness as soon as we step into my apartment, and suddenly, I’m the one who’s nervous.
I love sex. I’m good at it, and it’s easy for me to relax. Helps that I’m usually in control. But with him… I liked him so much. I was putting pressure on myself. We end up talking and having sex the whole night, only falling asleep as the sun comes up. Such a perfect night. It's been years since I felt so comfortable with a man so quickly.
You know when something just feels too good to be true? Something in him flipped the next day. He tells me he wants to be my friend, but without the sex. He can’t date right now—there’s too much going on in his life. He feels embarrassed by how much he shared, and so on.
I couldn’t hide my disappointment and wanted to cry. Sure, it’s just one night, but feelings aren’t something you can always control.
He left my place, and I don’t know if I’m gonna see him again. I’m not gonna be just your friend when I’m developing feelings for you. Maybe he’s just scared. Maybe I should risk it. Maybe this is his way of slowing things down.
Maybe this isn’t the end of our story just yet.